👋 Hi. So I’m asexual. Because it’s Pride Month, I wanted to make sure I read something with asexual representation. Rebecca Burgess’ graphic memoir, How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual caught my attention and I’m so glad I picked it up.
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How to Be Ace
“When I was in school,” writes Burgess, “everyone got to a certain age where they became interested in talking about only one thing: boys, girls, and sex. Me, though? I was only interested in comics.”
As a teen, Burgess was convinced that sex would be something they’d become interested in as they got older. After all, maybe they’re just a late bloomer, right? Well, the interest in sex never came for Burgess; indeed, it seems they were terrified that they’d be expected to participate in sex in order to have any sort of relationship.
How to Be Ace is an honest story of what it’s like to realize that you’re ace.
Asexuality and Me
While my story is not exactly the same as Burgess, I could relate to a lot of what they shared in their memoir.
When I was a teen, there was a period of time when I read Seventeen magazine. There were two things that made me pick it up: first, it was what everyone else was reading and I wanted to fit in. Second, I thought maybe I’d better understand what the appeal of the whole dating and sex thing. Unfortunately, I didn’t really see myself on the pages of Seventeen. I didn’t care about fashion or make up. I didn’t understand what the big deal about dating was. In fact, I remember writing a letter (or Email? I’m not sure – it was the 90s, it could’ve been either one) talking about how I didn’t get the big deal about sex.
That’s my embarrassing story for the day.
In How to Be Ace, Burgess wrote about how at first, they thought they’d develop an interest in sex. When that didn’t happen, they thought there was something wrong with them.
I could totally relate to these feelings. I didn’t realize I was ace until my 20s; “asexual” wasn’t a word that I heard anywhere. So I just assumed everyone wanted to have sex, and if you didn’t, you were broken.
I want to emphasize, however, that while How to Be Ace depicts one person’s experience with asexuality (and it’s certainly a story this particular ace could see themself in), it’s only one person’s story.
As with most identities, asexuals aren’t a monolith. There is no single right way to be ace. I don’t think Burgess was trying to suggest that, but I just wanted to point that out. While I think How to Be Ace is a good read and totally recommend it, I’d urge you to read other asexual voices as well. If nothing else, in order to get a fuller sense of the asexual experience. If asexuality is something you’re interested in, I’d urge you to read as many perspectives as you can.
This post may contain affiliate links, which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure for more information.
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